Education & Career Trends: Six Things Socially Intelligent People Don’t Do

Edition: September 23rd, 2021
Curated by the Knowledge Team of ICS Career GPS

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• Excerpts from article by Ayodeji Awosika, published on medium.com

Having a high I.Q. doesn’t guarantee success at all. You’re likely intelligent enough to get the outcomes you want. But you have to be able to combine different forms of ‘intelligence’ to get what you want.

Social intelligence is crucial in all of the areas of your life that matter to you. From your career to business to relationships in general, your ability to relate well with others can have a huge impact on the way your life turns out.

It’s an entirely different form of intelligence and it can be something really smart people also lack as we all have blind spots. 

Here are 6 things that socially intelligent people avoid doing as much as possible:

1. Picking fights

“If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.”

Dale Carnegie

Try to avoid arguing with people, arguing is counterproductive. Even if you destroy someone in an argument, you don’t gain any social points from it. Nine times out of ten, it makes you look bad. Yes, you can debate. Yes, it’s important to discuss ideas with other people, even people you disagree with. But avoid debates on hot-button issues altogether (e.g., politics, religion).

2. Showing off

“Avoid the temptation of showing how clever you are — it is far more clever to conceal the mechanism of your cleverness.”

Robert Greene

If you’re smart, it will be self-evident when you talk to people. You don’t have to go out of your way to use big words, always have the answer to every question, and use other little signals to show people how intelligent you are. Being a ‘know it all’ signals insecurity. Most people who have to show off their intelligence do it because they feel they lack in other areas.

Also, there are benefits of hiding your intelligence:

• When others don’t get the sense that you feel like you’re better than them, they’ll open up to you
• Sometimes you want people to underestimate you
• You avoid the possibility of speaking outside of your area of expertise

3. Constantly trying to ‘jump in’

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

Stephen Covey

• Socially intelligent people don’t always have to get a word in.
• People will think you’re a great conversationalist if you just listen to them.
• When you actually listen, you can truly add to the conversation by giving thoughtful replies.
• You can make them feel heard by repeating back the things they’ve said.
• It gets awkward when people are trying to jump over each other to talk.
• Let other people talk for a while, soak in their thoughts, then respond.
• Next time you’re having a conversation, try not to jump in and fill the dead space at all. Maintain eye contact and truly listen to the other person.

4. Revealing too much about themselves

“Always say less than necessary.”

Robert Greene

• Being socially intelligent is often a product of doing less.
• Success in life comes from getting really good at doing simple and obvious things.
• If these strategies seem simple to you, ask yourself how well you actually execute them.
• You don’t need to become a mute or avoid sharing your opinion altogether.
• By saying less, you add more value to what you do say.
• You can be expressive without talking too much.

5. Revealing too much about others

“Be Impeccable With your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”

Don Miquel Ruiz

• It’s important to be mindful of what you say. If you’re going to talk about other people, have something positive to say.
• It’s not that you have to have a high opinion of everyone you know, but the way you go about sharing your opinion matters.
• If you have an issue with a certain way of thinking or behaviour, voice that, but avoid personally attacking people.
• Be prudent with your praise, too, compliment people when they do something that truly impresses you.
• When others are gossiping and they want you to feed into it, avoid feeding into it in a tactful way.
• Don’t say something like “I’m not a gossip.” Just use a phrase that indicates you’re not going to get involved without being rude.

6. Putting themselves ahead of everyone else

“It is not the genius at the top giving directions that makes people great. It is great people that make the guy at the top look like a genius.”

Simon Sinek

• Avoid bragging about yourself or taking credit for every little thing.
• If you’re working with a team, give credit to the team.
• Instead of bragging about your accomplishments, talk about the things in your life that excite you.
• People can tell if you like yourself, they can tell if you’re proud of your accomplishments.
• You don’t have to tell them overtly, going out of your way to do so, as that can be seen as a sign of insecurity.
• Confidence radiates. Confidence comes from a lack of want.

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(Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in the article mentioned above are those of the author(s). They do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of ICS Career GPS or its staff.)

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