Curated by the Knowledge Team of ICS Career GPS
Education
Study shows perfection and anxiety can lead to helicopter parenting
Excerpts from article by Bryan Robinson, published in The Forbes
The negative effects of over-parenting on children are well documented. Research shows it can lead to psychological distress, narcissism, poor adjustment, alcohol & drug use, and a host of other behavioural problems in young adults (18 to 25).
Helicopter moms and dads hover over their children, taking care of tasks children could do themselves such as cooking, cleaning or paying bills, removing obstacles, solving problems or overseeing every aspect of a child’s life.
Perfectionism leads to over-parenting
A new study sought to find out what is at the core of hovering parents. The findings from both studies confirmed that perfectionism is indeed associated with helicopter parenting.
Perfectionism is a psychological trait of wanting to be perfect, wanting success, wanting to have positive accolades that you can point to.
Perfectionist parents may see their children’s success as a reflection on them and they may engage in over-parenting in an effort to achieve “perfect” results. They want to live vicariously through their children’s achievements. They want to see their children achieve because it makes them look good. Of course, they care about their children too, but they measure their self-worth by the success of their children. That’s the yardstick that they use to measure their own success as a parent.
Anxiety is a factor too
Perfectionism isn’t the only characteristic that can lead to over-parenting. Anxious parents tend to worry and ruminate on bad things that could happen to their child, so they parent with risk aversion in mind.
Parents who have many regrets in their own lives may engage in this type of parenting as they try to prevent their children from repeating similar mistakes. Just because someone engages in anxious parenting doesn’t mean they engage in over-parenting, but anxious parenting can sometimes lead to over-parenting.
Give children the chance to explore
Helicopter parents need to change their ways. For this, they first need to recognise their own value, independent of their children.
Parents need to learn to accept their children’s own goals and give them the chance to explore. Young adults need the room to go out, explore and find their own life and their own ambitions.
Career
Is your perfectionism at work healthy?
Excerpts from article by Chris Dottie, published in The Silicon Republic
The classic answer to the interview question ‘what’s your biggest weakness?’ is all too often, ‘I’m too much of a perfectionist’. Giving this answer is a way of converting a question that invites self-deprecation into an opportunity for self-aggrandisement.
After all, being a perfectionist – being completely focused on ensuring everything you do is absolutely perfect make companies desperate to hire you – ultimately, leading to a long, successful career, right? Not necessarily.
Perfectionism is a complex concept, much more so than many people assume. There are actually two forms of perfectionism: adaptive and maladaptive. It turns out that one of these types of perfectionism is more conducive to long-term career success than the other.
Adaptive vs Maladaptive
Adaptive perfectionists tend to understand and appreciate that it’s simply impossible to achieve complete perfection in everything they set out to achieve. They are also more tolerant of imperfection and are less critical of both themselves and others.
Maladaptive perfectionists have a less healthy attitude to successful achievement. These individuals will tend to berate themselves when they don’t meet their own standard.
Both adaptive and maladaptive perfectionists strive for high standards. Failure to reach those standards tends to be far more stressful for maladaptive perfectionists. This is because they are more inclined to set expectations of themselves so high that failure is almost always inevitable, resulting in self-doubt.
How maladaptive perfectionism can impact your work
When applied to the world of work, maladaptive perfectionism can generate a number challenges. Maladaptive perfectionists see mistakes as character flaws instead of learning opportunities. In the mind of a maladaptive perfectionist, an error is instantly attributed to a failing in their fundamental character rather than something far more likely, such as lack of experience or knowledge.
Maladaptive perfectionists can also be prone to delaying actions due to a fear of failure, unlike adaptive perfectionism where time is budgeted effectively and therefore tasks are completed on time. Maladaptive perfectionists don’t always see colleagues and team members as reliable. They find it hard to celebrate the success of a colleague, seeing it as a hindrance to their own.
Keeping perfectionism at work in check
It’s time for you to realise that no one is perfect, including yourself – and that’s okay. With this in mind, start by honestly and objectively assessing your work and personal life. After this, ask yourself whether both are actually as full of failure as you think they are. Chances are, they aren’t. You will probably be the last to realise this and, therefore, could be inadvertently damaging your career prospects and those of the people around you.
With that in mind, here are some practical steps you can take to help keep your maladaptive perfectionist ways in check:
1. Recognise you have both strengths & weaknesses
Play to your strengths while looking to working on your weaknesses. Understand that getting better at anything in life takes practice.
2. Set realistic goals
Be realistic when setting goals and be sure to manage your own expectations around what you can realistically achieve. Setting yourself impossible goals dilutes your focus on what you can achieve by wasting time on what you can’t.
3. Learn to say ‘no’
Saying no more often does not make you any less worthy in the eyes of your colleagues or superiors. Instead, it can enable you to succeed and add value to those things you can say ‘yes’ to.
4. Delegate
Don’t see delegation as a flaw. You’re not expected to be able to be good at everything, that’s why you have a talented team around you. So, use them.
5. Rest
Take time out to rest and recharge. Being physically and mentally exhausted because you are aiming for perfection all the time is a barrier to achievement. It will also allow you to keep things in perspective and have a healthy attitude to your work.
Change is possible
Having high standards and succeeding at work is something that we should all aspire for, but our perfectionist traits become damaging when we start exhibiting maladaptive perfectionism. Recognising these traits is the first step to turning them into assets, because change is possible.
(Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in the article mentioned above are those of the author(s). They do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of ICS Career GPS or its staff.)
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